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From foe to friend. How to overcome the devil on your shoulder

4/9/2023

Translation: Jessica Johnson-Ferguson

He gets between you and the person you want to be. The devil on your shoulder. If you’d like a healthier relationship with him, you should know a few things about him. And understand why «if A then B» sentences are so important.

He sabotages good intentions, refuses to be performance-oriented and is a total hedonist. He’ll also try to get in between you and your next career step. Or the five kilos you want to lose. Or going to the gym. I’m talking about the devil on your shoulder. Given his bad reputation, you try to ignore him on a daily basis, attempt to shake him and try to overcome him at every opportunity.

If only it were that simple. The fact that it’s not is also confirmed by statistics. Most people give up on their New Year’s resolutions after just a few weeks or even days. Take the U.S., for example. Some people there celebrate Ditch New Year’s Resolution Day every year on 17 January. That’s the day when they throw their New Year’s resolutions overboard if they haven’t done so already.

So what does it take to overcome that good-for-nothing alter ego of yours and finally get moving? And who or what is that little devil anyway? I asked Dr Daniela Bernhardt, a psychologist at Friedrich Alexander University in Erlangen-Nuremberg and author of «Die Psychologie des Schweinehunds: In sechs Schritten vom guten Vorsatz zur neuen Gewohnheit»(The Psychology of the ‹inner pig dog›: six steps from good resolutions to new habits).

**Imagine your inner devil were a person. Which member of your family would he be? **

Dr Daniela Bernhardt: That’s a fun question! To me, he’s less of a family member and more of a good friend you have mixed feelings about. On the one hand, he’s so much fun to hang out with. On the other, he cajoles you into putting pleasure before work.

**When was the last time he called on you? **

I’ve become quite familiar with my devil and usually know when he’s going to rear his head. This happened yesterday, for example. I needed to get a few things done after work. On my way home, I always cycle past cafés with people sitting outside enjoying the evening sun. It just looks so inviting. My inner devil seems to think so, too, and I can hear him say: «Go, on treat yourself. Get off your bike, take a seat at the café and call it a day.» It was one of those situations when I really felt this strong urge.

**You just used the word urge. What exactly is the devil on your shoulder? **

The devil on your shoulder is a popular image. It’s simply a metaphor for an inner resistance that’s stopping you from doing something more sensible. It describes the behaviour of not doing something you actually intended on doing. The intention’s there, but the implementation’s lacking. Your inner devil’s telling you: «Live in the moment and see to the needs you have right now.» He’s a hedonist living in the now. What he lacks is the foresight to see what effect this procrastination will have in ten days, weeks, months or years.

**Everyone’s experienced this. Your intentions are great, you’re buzzing with new resolutions but you fail to put them into practice. Why is it so hard to find long-term motivation to achieve your goals? **

It’s because we often believe putting a goal into words is enough. Psychologically speaking, there’s a difference between putting your mind to something and actually making it happen. That’s because different areas of the brain are at work here. The difference between intention and action is particularly strong in areas where you already have strong habits and routines. Your diet is a classic example of such an area. Ever since your childhood, certain habits have determined your actions. This is where you’ll come up against a resistance to change things. It’s an obstacle you’re unlikely to overcome with resolutions alone.

The second reason is that new things can often be uncomfortable at the beginning. Peeling yourself out of a warm bed in the morning to go jogging, for example. In terms of behaviour, we usually prefer to remain in pleasant situations and avoid negative feelings. In other words, resolutions that will only benefit you in the future will always be competing against activities that are providing you with feelings of happiness in the present.

**And what about motivation? Doesn’t it have the power to influence our actions in these moments? **

Motivation is the fundamental willingness to do something. You need it to start something and stick to it. However, you won’t get far relying on motivation and reward systems alone. Motivation is important to make a resolution. But it’s simply not enough to put your mind to something. Instead, you need to control your actions so you can actually achieve your goal. In other words, you also need to prepare for obstacles that will crop up when you’re trying to put things into action. For instance, genuinely not feeling like changing things or not finding the time. When you reach that point, you need to know you can overcome those obstacles and understand that even small steps will bring you closer to your goal.

**In your book you say that for your new resolutions to succeed, you should view your inner devil as a partner rather than an adversary. How do you go about that? **

Success is only sustainable if it doesn’t compromise your health. Think about how many tasks you get done in one day in addition to your to-do list. If you did all the things you should or wanted to do, you’d be in hot water in no time. It’s a good thing there’s something inside us that slows us down sometimes and allows us to call it a day. Your inner devil will sound the alarm when your load becomes too heavy. In addition, many resolutions are resolutions of reason. Ones we may have copied from others but lack the drive to put into practice ourselves. This is where our inner devil’s asking if we really want to do this.

**So, if my inner devil’s giving me a «groan, that sounds like way too much work», should I give in? **

You need to re-evaluate every situation. Do I really need that break right now or is it an excuse? It’s important to have a chat with yourself and look at why you’re feeling this resistance. And then it’s also important to reconsider and, if necessary, change your basic attitude towards your inner devil. He’s generally considered something to be ashamed of, as he’s weak and lazy. But in fact, what’s referred to as the inner pig dog in German-speaking countries is something quite natural. I really like the idea of putting a lead on him. It makes the relationship sound more like a partnership and gives you control. You’re free to loosen the leash, but it’s still in your hand. In other words, your devil, or pig dog, isn’t dragging you along.

**How can I tell if I’m listening to my devil or if I’d better kick myself into gear? **

It’s pretty easy to detect those devil-on-shoulder moments, because you’ll feel the resistance. It often helps to briefly reflect on why you’re feeling resistance. If you think it’s important to give in to the feeling at that moment to benefit your mental or physical health, you should definitely do that on occasion. It’s also mostly better to go with the flow instead of fighting the resistance. Let’s say you’re really struggling to go for that jog first thing in the morning. You could ask yourself what small step you could take in that direction, no matter how small. If you can’t face jogging, maybe you can walk up and down the stairs once. This will help you get into action. Plus, achieving five per cent of your resolution is better than zero.

**And when should I fully ignore that inside voice? **

When your goals are non-negotiable. Of course, you need to define them for yourself. But ultimately, they’re goals that require you to think long-term – improving relationships, leading a healthy lifestyle, working on being more satisfied at work, etc. Reaching these goals might involve doing things that aren’t immediately rewarding, but that will connect you more strongly to your future self. Sure, it’s a pain to go for a run first thing. But how cool would it be to be physically fit at 80?

**I’d like to put a lead on my inner devil. What’s the first step? **

First off, you need to develop a healthy attitude towards him and yourself. Feeling the pull of that inner resistance is natural, so please don’t judge yourself if you give in to it. Have a little compassion towards yourself. Next, it’s important to ask yourself what kind of person you want to be. And how a resolution will bring you closer to becoming that person. Once you’ve figured that out for yourself, it’s easier to cheer yourself on to take the next step.

**Which is? **

Getting concrete as fast as possible. That means, making a concrete plan of action. What do I want to do and what’s the first measure I need to take? Next, you need to break that down so your brain gets a clear message. A common resolution is: I want to be less stressed. But what does that even mean? Instead you could think about effective breathing techniques for stressful situations. In addition to a concrete measure, you’ll also need a second tool. Namely, a good opportunity for your endeavour. Ask yourself what specific situation might be particularly suited for implementing your resolution. When would it be easiest to do?

**Is there a trick that will make you slip into those running shoes first thing or finally complete your tax declaration? **

There’s a simple self-regulation technique to effectively align good opportunities and your measures: «if A then B» plans. For example, if I’m stressed, I’ll take three deep breaths. If I’ve had breakfast, I’ll go for a little run. As this is very specific, you can soon develop habits and routines.

**Speaking of which, when does a new resolution become a habit? **

There’s a study on this that measured at what point test subjects felt their new habits had become automatic. The average time stated for habits performed daily was 66 days. Keep in mind that’s the average – depending on the complexity of the habit, the time it takes to become automatic can be much shorter or longer. But as a rough guideline, I think 66 days work to help people keep up their initial enthusiasm.

**It seems, the inner devil’s bad reputation is undeserved. What name would you give him if you could rename him? **

I wouldn’t give him a new name. I like the idea of putting a lead on him. What I would do, however, is restore his name. That would help people reconcile with him and consider him a companion rather than an adversary.

Header image: Shutterstock

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Olivia Leimpeters-Leth

Autorin von customize mediahouse

oliver.fischer@digitecgalaxus.ch

I'm a sucker for flowery turns of phrase and allegorical language. Clever metaphors are my Kryptonite – even if, sometimes, it's better to just get to the point. Everything I write is edited by my cat, which I reckon is more «pet humanisation» than metaphor. When I'm not at my desk, I enjoy going hiking, taking part in fireside jamming sessions, dragging my exhausted body out to do some sport and hitting the occasional party.

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